It had been such a long time since they had been able to sneak away together, just the two of them. With Beau’s work at the Soul and two kids at home, long moments alone were fleeting. So when Caleb had offered to have the kids for a weekend - which had absolutely nothing to do with the kids begging him for a sleepover for a mere two minutes and Caleb’s inability to say no to them - they jumped at the opportunity.
It had been even longer since they had been able to camp out under the stars together so it took no time to decide a trek out into the wilderness was what they needed. After having walked most of the way they had flown the last little while to ensure the best view of the night sky.
Beau laid back in the grass, running her fingers through Yasha’s hair as she rested her head on Beau’s hip. As she looked up at the stars while they lay in silence, her mind drifted to the stories her mother had weaved when she was young. If ever a character in her stories had lost someone, or had lost their life themself, Clara would tell of them looking down from the stars and watching over their loved ones.
“Babe?”
“Yes baby?”
“Do you ever think that Zuala is up there in the stars, watching over you?”
“No.”
“Me too, I mean…wait, no?” Beau sat up a little in confusion. “You don’t think she’s watching over you?”
Yasha tilted her head to look back at her, smiling peacefully. “No, I don’t.”
“Oh. Oh, uh, okay.” Beau laid back down and resumed running her fingers through Yasha’s hair, though much slower and more sporadically than before. Yasha could feel Beau’s uncertainty through the small movements. She could practically hear her mind ticking over as she wrestled with her thoughts.
“Baby, why do you ask?” Yasha asked, reaching up to take Beau’s unoccupied hand in her own.
“No reason, it’s nothing,” Beau responded, squeezing Yasha’s hand, confusion still etched on her face.
When a few moments had passed without any change in Beau’s demeanour, Yasha sighed a little and sat up as Beau made small noises of protest.
“Beau, clearly this isn’t nothing. Talk to me. Why do you ask?” Yasha asked, taking Beau’s other hand in hers. She watched as Beau contemplated her words, varying emotions flittering behind her eyes as she tried to decide what to say.
“My mother… uh, my mother would…uh…” Beau stuttered over her sentence, face pinched with nervousness and a touch of embarrassment. Yasha began to rub the back of Beau’s hands with her thumbs, nodding slightly, trying to be as encouraging as possible.
“When I was young, my mother would tell me stories. The same stories I tell the kids to get them to sleep, just uh, she would do it much better than I do. Anyway, whenever a story involved the loss of a loved one, or someone died, she would always talk about how the person who passed was watching over their family. That they were making sure their family was okay, that they still felt loved and happy. She would…she…” Beau stammered. Yasha gave her hands a gentle squeeze.
“Go on, I’m listening.” Beau sighed herself this time, looking down, her cheeks tinged red.
“She would end the stories by telling me that one day she too would be gone, but not to worry. I would just need to look up into the stars and find the brightest one. That one would be her, looking down on me and watching over me. She said she would always be there even when she was gone and that I wouldn’t be alone.” Beau smiled sadly. “Those stories are some of the best memories I have. Of her, of my childhood. So looking at the stars, I wondered if you were searching out Zuala’s star, finding the brightest one shining down on you.”
“Beau…” Beau looked up to see a soft and soothing look on Yasha’s face.
“I know, I know, it’s silly, they’re just childish stories, it’s fine, you don’t need to…” Yasha gently pulled Beau in and placed a kiss on her lips before leaning back and smiling.
“It is not childish. Thank you for sharing that with me.” A small smile graced Beau’s face.
“You’re welcome. And it’s fine, really, you don’t need to believe in any of that, I’m not sure I really believe in any of it. It was just a thought.” Yasha ducked her head a little, making sure she caught Beau’s eye and held her gaze.
“It is true that I do not think Zuala is up there watching over me. That is not because I don’t believe she is still here though, she is. She is just not up there,” Yasha glanced up to the sky and back at Beau. “She is down here with us. I feel her all the time. I see her too.” At this Beau looked a little sceptical.
“Is…you see her? Is that like, a Stormlord thing or?” Yasha laughed gently.
“No baby. I see her in the flowers that grow in our garden, even in the harshest of weather. I see her in the sunlight that warms our favourite spot in our yard. I see her in our children, the way their faces light up with joy as hers once did. I can feel her with us when we accomplish something. I could feel her there, smiling as we brought the kids home, as if she herself sent them here for us to love. I could feel her standing there next to me, giving me comfort and confidence as I said my vows to you. I felt her standing next to you, as you said yours to me.” Tears gently fall from both women as Yasha continues. “I can feel her beside us, every step of the way. Guiding us through our darkest moments, embracing us in our greatest moments. She makes sure none of us are alone, that she’s by our sides every moment of every day. And I can see her in you.” Beau gasped a little.
“Yasha…”
“I see her in your love for me, the same love she held for me now coming from you. I see her in your smile, and your laugh, those expressions of joy from the one I love. I see her in your corner sometimes when we argue, backing you up as if to tell me when I am in the wrong, when I need to listen instead of fight. I feel like she led you to me, or me to you, because she knew we needed each other to heal and to love. I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, that I see my first wife in our lives so much. I don’t want you to feel like you are not enough, like you aren’t my present and my future. But you asked if I look for her in the stars, and my answer is no, because she’s always right here by our sides. Not just mine, but yours too, our kids. She is never far enough away that I have to search for her,” Yasha ended, a tremble in her voice from the tears that were starting to fall more rapidly.
Smiling tenderly, Beau leaned in to embrace Yasha, holding her love through the moment as their emotions washed over them.
“I feel her too. I’m glad she’s here with us. The more people to love you, the better. Though I wish you never had to lose her, as I’ve said before whatever sacrifice she had to make to make me the luckiest woman alive, I’ll never truly know. But I’m still eternally grateful and glad it meant she led us to each other. I don’t know where I would be without you. I love you.“
“I love you too.” Beau smiled as she drew Yasha into for a kiss.
“And you love Zuala. Is it weird to say I love her too?”
“Not to me.”
“Good.”
Beau laid back, pulling Yasha down with her to lay side by side. Both women gazed up at the stars thinking about the moments that lead them to each other, about the love they held for each other and for Zuala, taking in the sounds of the night as they began to drift off to sleep.
“Yasha?” Beau whispered quietly, hoping not to wake her love if she was already sleeping.
“Mm…yeah?” Yasha mumbled back blearily.
“If Zuala is always with us does that mean she saw what we did in bed last ni…”
“GO TO SLEEP BEAU.”
“Because, I think I’m kind of okay with that?”
“What?”
“What? Nothing. Good night.”
“Beau!”
