Beau sighed as she stood before the front door of the quaint home she and Yasha shared together in Zadash. Today had been a stressful day, and right now she wanted nothing more than to slump into Yasha’s lap with a glass of wine.
Beau pushed the front door open and stepped in, kicking her boots off with a growl of frustration.
“Hey babe,” she called out, “I - “
She froze mid sentence as the smell of something marvelous hit her nostrils.
“Oh. Oh.” She inhaled deeply. The stresses of the day began to melt away as the scent practically overtook her mind. “Baby, what are you cooking? It smells amazing.”
“Something new Martina taught me!” Yasha called out. “It comes from Nicodranas - it's called pizza! Just coming out of the oven now! ”
Beau practically ran. The sight she beheld was incredible - it was large and round, almost like pie, but flat. It was smothered in cheese, and Beau noted hints of a red sauce around the edges, apparently underneath the cheese.
“How do we eat this?” Beau asked.
“I’ll cut it into slices, like a normal pie. Martina says you can just pick it up and eat it with your hands. Do you want to pour us some wine?”
Beau quickly complied. She set two glasses down at the table, filled them with a nice pinot noir from Marquet, and sat in her chair across from Yasha’s seat as she eagerly awaited to be served.
Shortly, a plate was set before her, two triangular pieces laid side by side. They looked delicious and smelled heavenly . Beau picked up a slice - it was hot, almost too hot to hold, but she maintained her grip and bit in.
The red sauce was a tomato sauce, she realized, and was excellent with the cheese and crust, the acidity a wonderful complement.
“Oh, Yash ,” Beau sighed dreamily, “this is fantastic.”
Yasha grinned as she sat across from her, setting down her own plate. “I’m very glad you like it, Beau. Martina was telling me you can put all sorts of toppings on it, too. I might try this again next week with some other toppings.”
Beau sipped her wine and hummed her approval. “ Please do.”
Pizza day. Beau rushed out of the Cobalt Soul, ignoring the strange looks she received from the other monks as she hurried through the halls. Through the streets of Zadash, she walked briskly, now courting odd looks from other pedestrians.
Once home, she kicked off her boots. The smell hit her once more - pizza, but with some sort of new ingredient this time.
She hurried to the kitchen, just in time to watch Yasha pull the pizza pie out. Today it was loaded with round slices of some sort of cured meat. Her stomach growled loudly in response.
“Hey baby!” Yasha greeted cheerfully. “I tried adding some pepperoni this week. That’s apparently a very popular pizza topping!”
Once more, Beau poured the wine - this time choosing a Cabernet Sauvignon, which she thought would pair nicely with the meat. And indeed it did. The pizza was divine.
“Martina also told me that sometimes they make the pizza with a thinner crust,” Yasha told her. “I think I’ll try that next week.”
Pizza day. Dairon had asked Beau why she was so antsy today.
“What do you mean? I’m not antsy,” Beau said at 4:59 PM.
The clock struck 5. Beau scooped the contents of her desk (even the things she’d not really intended to bring home) into her bag and was out the door before Dairon could say “Expositor.”
As Beau crossed the threshold of her front door, she kicked off one boot and hopped halfway down the hall as she worked off the other, throwing it over her shoulder behind her (and possibly knocking a painting off the wall. Oops.).
Yasha was pulling the pizza out of the oven as Beau entered. The monk peered over the larger woman’s shoulder - there was an egg in the middle, and…crickets?
Interesting. Most folks would be put off by the bugs, Beau knew, but she didn’t mind.
It wasn’t her favorite of the pizzas, and Beau had yet to figure out a good wine parking for bugs, but the chianti was good, at least.
Pizza day. Beau eagerly returned home, though her enthusiasm was a bit less than the week prior. But hey, Yasha was just experimenting, right? Not everything is gonna be a hit.
Her home was filled with the scent of something meaty. Beau smiled. This was gonna be good, she was sure of it.
Today, Yasha pulled the pizza out of the oven, and Beau blinked in surprise. There was meat on it alright - eight whole filet mignon medallions, bacon wrapped and arranged in a perfect circle on the pizza’s surface. While Beau did love a good filet…it seemed a little odd for it to be just… slapped on whole on top of the pizza.
“Martina told me that some people put steak on their pizzas,” Yasha explained. “I thought it was strange to put something so large, but I went to the market and saw these cuts! They were a bit pricey, but the butcher said they were one of the most desirable cuts!”
Beau opted for a merlot with this pizza. Beau ate the first half of her slice normally, but when she got to the filet on the back half…tearing into it with her teeth, rather than cutting it up, was a strange concept to her. The filet was overdone and chewy. Good flavor, though.
Pizza day. Beau was a few minutes late leaving, today. She was…slightly concerned about what Yasha may have concocted for today.
Her concerns were well-founded.
Beau and Yasha’s home was filled with an odd combinations of scents. Fear settled into Beau’s stomach like a lead ball as she approached the kitchen.
The pizza was already on the table, settling and cooling before Yasha cut it and served the slices. It was covered in slices of …peppers? And banana? And pickles?
“Hey baby!” Yasha greeted cheerfully.
Beau forced a smile. “Hey babe. What’s this?”
“Pickles, peppers and banana! Martina recommended it!”
Did she now? “Huh. Alright.”
Beau didn’t know where to begin with a wine pairing.
Pizza day. Beau stood outside the front door for a moment, steeling herself against whatever may come. Softly, the pulled the front door open, just a smidge - enough to stick her nose in and take a cautious whiff.
An odd meaty smell clung to the air, not as appetizing as most meats. Beau carefully took her boots off by the door and crept forward to the kitchen. She could hear Yasha humming happily to herself. The taller woman was bent over as she pulled the pizza out.
“Hey, babe,” Beau greeted softly.
Yasha jumped. “sh*t! Beau, I didn’t hear you come in!”
“Ah, sorry babe. I uh, have a lot on my mind today, should’ve called out.”
Yasha gave her the warmest smile. “We can talk about it over wine and pizza,” Yasha offered. Beau could only nod her head in response.
As the round dish began to descend to the table, Beau’s stomach dropped as the toppings lowered into view. Her gaze was met by two small, black beady eyes, dead and peering at her from the large carcass of a skinned and cooked rat. A strawberry had been stuffed in its mouth, and slices scattered around the pie. Blobs of something grassy in appearance also adorned the dish, along with small, colorful crystals and dollops of some sort of white fluffy cream, with the tops browned. The smell of burning sugar reached her nostrils, mixing unfavorably with the smell of cooked meat.
Beau gulped. “Baby… this is, uh…quite the creation. What is this?”
“Martina told me that I can get creative! I plucked a rat out of the garden and picked up some fresh strawberries from the market. I also saw they had some of the black moss there - I decided to try something a little Jester-inspired and stopped by the candy shop for some marshmallow paste and rock candy!”
“O-oh…”
Yasha took a cleaver and chopped firmly down onto the pie, severing the head clean off the rat. She then cut a slice with the head and served it onto Beau’s plate. The two dead eyes stared up at her. Beau stared back.
“Did you want to grab a bottle to pair with this, baby? Or do you want me to choose?”
…
…
…
“Baby?”
“What? Oh. Um…”
Beau gently pushed the plate away from herself.
“Babe, I think we need to talk…”
Yasha’s face immediately fell, her face filling with fear as she slowly took to her chair.
“Oh…is something wrong?” The way Yasha fiddled in her seat, seemingly steeling herself for the worst, made Beau’s heart lurch, accompanied by a great swell of guilt.
Beau sighed and propped her elbows on the table, lacing her fingers together as she bowed her head. “Yasha…I uh…I think you need to take it easy with the pizza toppings.”
Beau’s gaze flicked up to Yasha - the barbarian’s eyes were wide and watery, like a kicked puppy. The monk’s guilt grew further, burning hotly in her chest. Beau resisted the urge to wave it off as a bad joke, and take Yasha’s sweet, beautifully chiseled face with that perfect jawline into her hands and tell her that the pizza is perfect and she is perfect and everything is perfect. But she knew she could not. This needs to be done.
“You…you don’t like the pizza? But - you haven’t tried it yet!”
“Well, no,” Beau agreed, “but…I don’t think the sweets are really a good fit. The fruit is…a little odd, too. I don’t think I’d want that on pizza. Well, actually, maybe pineapple - “
“ Pineapple!? ” Yasha cut in. “ On pizza?!?! That would be an abomination!”
Beau raised her hands defensively. “Okay, okay! No pineapple! Maybe we just need a no fruit rule.”
“Did you not like the banana from last week? Martina recommended it…”
Beau shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “When Martina recommended pickles, bananas and peppers…by any chance did she mean pickled banana peppers?”
Yasha blinked. “...Oh. Maybe, uh…maybe she did.” Her voice got quieter. “ Is that a thing ?”
“ Yeeeaaaah . And uh…well, I know we’ve eaten rat before but usually as a last resort. But, um, I think that maybe the meats would be better if they were in small pieces…rather than - “ Beau gestured to the whole (well, now headless) rat in front of her. “It would just be easier to eat in smaller pieces, y’know?”
Yasha nodded. Disappointment still filled her face, but she seemed understanding, at least.
“Okay. So…bite sized?”
“Yeah. Without bones, probably.”
Yasha sighed. “Alright. I’lll try to tone it down, I guess.”
Beau offered a soft smile. “I love that you’re so adventurous with this, Yash. Just…maybe baby steps, yeah?”
Yasha nodded, and picked up her own slice. With a sigh, she bit into the crust first.
“I thin’ the stuffed crus’ ‘urned out well, at leasf,” Yasha spoke from the side of her mouth that was not filled with food.
Beau glanced down. “Stuffed crust?” Sure enough, some sort of meat appeared to fill the crust. Beau picked her slice up, letting the rat head tumble off onto her plate, and bit into the crust.
“Pork sausage meat, with spice mix from some restaurant called “Taste of Tal’Dorei” or something?”
Beau swallowed. “Damn. That is good.”
Pizza day. Beau arrived home just as Yasha pulled the pizza out of the oven.
The air smelled wonderful. No unusual scents filled the air - a good sign?
“What do we have for tonight, babe?” Beau called from the front door, as she pulled off her boots.
“Pepperoni. With pickled banana peppers. Found a stall at the market selling them!” She replied cheerfully. “I also tried a cheese stuffed crust!”
Beau’s stomach growled in response. “Sounds amazing!”
The pizza paired quite nicely with a chilled riesling.
![Pizza Day - JTR99 - Critical Role (Web Series) [Archive of Our Own] (2024)](data:image/png;base64,iVBORw0KGgoAAAANSUhEUgAAAAEAAAABCAQAAAC1HAwCAAAAC0lEQVR42mP8/h8AAvMB+NzmkbcAAAAASUVORK5CYII=)